| WOW I completely forgot about this thing. |
[Jan. 11th, 2009|09:04 am] |
So I was cleaning some random stuff up on my internet browser and noticed that I still had this journal. Looking back it has been an up and down 5 years here at WCU. My freshman year I was pretty much an idiot. That whole year included a lot of changes in my life and stressed me out to the max. Looking back I have no idea why I did the stuff I did. Oh well, I think I'm a completely different person now. Whether that is for the better is yet to be seen. I know I'm a lot more cynical now than before, a hell of a lot more mature about things, a bit more firm about my beliefs, and I'm pretty sure I'm a bit more assholish than ever. Ah well.
Ok...Update on what has changed in the 103 weeks since I've written in here.
1. I switched to a BA in Music Industry and I LOVE IT! I'm going to graduate after I do my internship this summer. I'm hoping to do my internship with Music & Arts Center and get a job with them after I graduate. Then I guess I'll enter grown up land. I'm kind of excited and kind of scared at the same time.
2. I'm still in Phi Mu Alpha. I was Chapter President last year. It was fun and was a nightmare all at the same time. But, I learned a lot and I know for a fact that I can now deal with at least 40 different personalities and opinions and I can run an organization effectively and can get some shit done despite the quarreling. I've kind of taken on a more advisory role this year I'm the Director of Risk Management. So all I really do is make sure that no hazing goes on and that people don't do something stupid to get the fraternity in trouble. I also kind of act as the chapter's parliamentarian since nobody else has bothered to learn Robert's Rules of Order or our fraternity's bylaws.
3. I'm still single. Almost 4 years and going. People keep telling me I need to find someone (especially everyone at church), but I'm happy where I am. I learned a long time ago that if I couldn't be happy with myself I'd never be happy with anyone else. So it's all good. There have been a few girls I've tried to date and it just never quite panned out...so I figure it's all for the better and I just popped a couple of "Fuckitalls" and just go with it. At this point trying to find anyone to date at WCU is a lost cause, since I'm going to be leaving this summer anyway.
4. I'm starting to get more into band again. I've been working with my old high school band every summer and I plan to get more involved once I move back home. I'm learning drill design from Bob Buckner this semester and I would like to start writing shows for Parkwood if I could. I really want to make that band my pet project and help them start a winning program. It's been kind of struggling the past 4 years.
Well that's about all that has been going on the past 103 weeks. Craziness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 16th, 2007|10:39 pm] |
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So I haven't posted for a little while, and since journaling is a habit of successful people (and I aim to be one of those people) I'm going to start more. Umm, so whats been going on....hmmm. Well this semester is starting off very well. I like my classes, I like my hours at work and all is right with the world. I have much more free time on my hands for stuff. Speaking of free time I finally got my fishing license and was able to go fishing today. I didn't catch anything and the wind was pretty harsh, but I loved every minute of it. I think I'm going to try to go fishing more often now. It's pretty relaxing stuff. I've started a diet now. Gotta get healtheir according to my mom, and she's a nurse and pretty smart so I guess I'll listen. I've stuck by it very well the past couple of weeks, so we'll see how it goes. Thats all for now. |
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| We Are The Music Makers |
[Nov. 15th, 2006|11:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
We are the music makers,
We are the dreamer of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea breakers,
Sitting by desolate streams.
World losers and world forsakers,
On whom the pale moon gleams,
And yet we are the movers and the shakers,
of the world,
forever it seems.
Thats a poem by Arthur Shaungenssy that I had posted some time earlier and said I would one day talk about and so I figured now I would talk about it and explain the meaning of it to me. Not only does this poem talk about the making of music but it also brings up the nature of the musician. We're a lonely bunch. Sure, we make friends and we have people to hang out with, but deep inside we're alone. This is what causes us to be as creative as we are. We sing songs of love because we want to expirence it, we sing songs of lonliness because we have expirenced it. Our solitude is what causes us to question our existance and to look at the deeper meanings of life. For me this poem has a very deep meaning. I feel at times that I'm very alone and through my music I'm able to make a connection with someone. And without the connections made by music, life is not able to continue. Life without music is not life, it is just merely existing, being, taking up space and time. For me this is what keeps me wanting to play, wanting to spread my joy of music to others. There have been many expirences in my life that have helped me see the effect that music has on someones life, especially my own. So there you have it, my interpretation of what music is.
The good man is the only excellent musician because he gives forth perfect harmony, not with a lyre or other instrument but with the whole of his life.
- Plato |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2006|09:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
So life's been pretty chill for the past while. All I've done is go to school and work. My grades are doing decent I guess, I got a 93 on my math project and a 98 on my last speech in communications. The only pinch I'm feeling is the money pinch, I gotta start watching how much I spend when it comes to food. I'm not broke, I just gotta watch where my money goes. I don't get to go home for thanksgiving, which sux cuz I wont get to see my family, and christmas isn't looking to promising because I won't get to see as much of my family as I'd like. It's going to be more of a hey bye thing. But this will be my first holiday season in my new place so that is cool I guess. It wouldn't bother me to much if people were still going to be up here for the holidays but everyone is going home so It'll be pretty quiet up here. In other news I have to get some major dental work done, I have to get 3 fillings in a couple of weeks and I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out. Man is my mouth not gonna like me. But yeah things are going pretty good right now. I feel calm and overall really happy with stuff, Its a good change from where I've been. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|11:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I'm So Tired -- The Beatles | ] |
Not much has been going on lately. I've been working alot and trying to build my bank account back up after the big hit that it has taken. (Long story not really going into it). So, I'm gonna switch majors. I've decided that I would rather go in the direction of Commercial/Electronic Music, than Music Education. In the end I think that this will make me happier because I love rock more than classical and with this degree I will get to work more in the music industry and meet some rock legends and record them. So, YAY! Even though I've been told by some that I don't have what it takes, I say they're wrong because if there is one thing I'm good at it's sound and recording. So they'll be eating crow when I place that Grammy award on my shelf one day. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|11:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
So, since my last update I've done alot of thinking. Mostly about this whole relationship stuff. I've decided that I don't care. Whatever happens, happens. I'm tired of putting wasting my time, I'm tired of dreaming my life away and in reality it's just not worth it. I have to much I want to do in life to spend it thinking about relationships. So it's over and done with and dead. If I end up alone, I've come to terms with it and will face it. In other news nothing much is going on. I've been doing alot of stuff in the fraternity and my JQ stuff is coming along nicely. Alot of my creative side has been coming out lately, I've been writing more stuff, dabbled in some poetry, and a little songwriting. I've always thought I have nothing to write about, but it turns out that I can take alot of personal expirences and turn them into ways of expressing myself. I've had this whole week off from work, so I'm taking the time to chill out and relax a little although I find myself being bored most of the time. So other than all of this thats all thats happening lately. |
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| Why I'm feeling so depressed. |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|09:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  extremely depressed | ] |
Ok so you want to know why I'm feeling depressed lately. NO, it has nothing to do with not being able to smile. The reason I'm feeling this way is because I feel that one of my worst nightmares is coming true. That I'm going to end up alone. Many people see me around campus and see a guy that likes to goof off and have fun. Well honestly, its mostly an act. For the past year or so I've been really lonely and have been trying to find something to fill that hole, unfortunately everything i try to fill it with seems to slip away. So, I laugh and act stupid to try and cover these feeling and fill the void somehow. Only there is a flaw in this plan, it doesn't work. Deep inside I feel like there is a huge hole and its causing me to just be unhappy. Its always been there only now its coming out more. I tried to fill it with brotherhood and that helps, I love all my brothers and wouldn't trade their friendship for anything in the world. But, there are some voids that even that can't fill. Honestly, I'm scared. Scared of being alone, i see happy couples around me all the time and i wonder why can't i have that? I'm not looking for sympathy, frankly i don't need it. It will only make me feel worse, but somebody to talk to would be nice. I feel like i help everyone else when they're sad but when its me everyone scatters. All i want is to be happy, why is this to much to ask? I would rather die now than die a lonely old man. I thought i found someone to fill that hole but i wonder if i am mistaken, if she reads this she knows who she is. All i really want to know sometimes "is it worth it? should i continue?" But i feel like i get mixed signals and i don't know. if she is reading this, Please tell me it would really help. So really this is the basis of my problem and even though most people don't get to see this side of me, yes it does exist. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2006|01:37 pm] |
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Why can't I just find what I'm looking for? I'm feeling really depressed and its got more to do with it than the no smiling thing. Something is really bothering me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2006|07:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  scared | ] |
Ok, well long time no write. Sorry. So, whats new........
Well, I told my long time crush how I feel about her, don't think that went over to well, but I had to say it and I did. Now come to find out 2 other guys like her to and decided to tell her. Ah well, like I haven't been in this situation before. While I know my chances are slim, I've come to terms with that and If its not me, I'll deal with it. Don't know how but I will. Life's funny sometimes, usually I feel like I get the short end of the stick most of the time, but Dammit, its my turn and I want it! I'm tired of being in the background, I'm tired of feeling like I don't make a difference, sometimes I just want to leave, I want to go, I want to be alone. Maybe thats it, maybe I'm supposed to be alone. Who knows. All I know is I've never wanted that motorcycle so bad in my life. When life gets me down I can just hop on that Iron Horse and ride into the sunset. All thise has just left me confused. I feel like I'm in territory thats never been walked on and I'm lost. But I feel like I wouldn't have been brought to this point if it wasn't supposed to happen. Damn, I wish I knew what that reason was. To Be honest I'm scared out of my mind. That doesn't usually happen but I would rather face a firing squad than I would all this. Its like I feel compelled to say something and I don't know why. And this post makes no sense but I feel compelled to write it. Man I hope all this works out good in the end cuz Its driving me crazy. I'm gonna go for a drive or something just to clear my mind and relax. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2006|11:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Not to good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Happiness Is A Warm Gun -- The Beatles | ] |
Ok, long overdue update. Well the school year has already started and it doesn't look like its going to be shaping up to be a good one. I feel constanly screwed by the music department. I always get passed over to play in ensembles and stuff and it's starting to piss me off. While part of it is my fault, I just feel that nobody is giving me any chances and therefore I feel like I'm getting the shaft. So all day I've been kinda down and out about it. Next to that almost all of my friends now are in relationships and I'm still single. That I have to mostly blame on myself though. I'm way to picky when it comes to girls, although that's with good reason. How does that song go? "Owner of a lonely heart, much better than the owner of a broken heart." I think that sums it up pretty well. So all in all I'm really just feeling like I'm stuck in a rut and it's gonna be another one of those years. yay. |
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drummerdan1's journal